While cleaning I found an envelope that is labelled Art Funds. I was bewildered as to what it contained even though I recognized the handwriting as mine.

Inside I saw a couple of bills and a list (actually only two items) of my art commissions from 2016!

I remember feeling very happy that I get to earn a bit from painting. It was a recognition of my efforts that people now ask me to paint for them. As happy as these thoughts are, I also felt that it won’t last since there are a lot of artists more talented than I am. They’ve been doing this for a long time and for some this is their real work. My pessimism never allowed me to celebrate something even small victories like this. It’s not a healthy mindset.

In the end I told myself, “I will just paint for myself.”

I still repeat that mantra today at least once a week. Practice, paint, post only when you feel like it. When I get anxious about the future I remember J.K.Rowling,

“What’s coming will come and we’ll just have to meet it when it does.”

2 thoughts on “Flashback”

  1. Carla, someone will always be more talented at anything, and the flip side is someone will always see you as more talented than them as well. But sobrang laki na kaya ng naimprove mo! 🙂

    1. Thanks Trisha!! Minsan ang hirap ibalik yung mindset mo sa pagiging grateful na lang instead of just feeling “I’m never enough” but I’m improving on that. May mga bagay na nagreremind din sa akin na may ginagawa akong tama and in a way, masaya naman ako sa narating ko, lalo na sa art. 🙂

      God bless!

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