While cleaning I found an envelope that is labelled Art Funds. I was bewildered as to what it contained even though I recognized the handwriting as mine.
Inside I saw a couple of bills and a list (actually only two items) of my art commissions from 2016!
I remember feeling very happy that I get to earn a bit from painting. It was a recognition of my efforts that people now ask me to paint for them. As happy as these thoughts are, I also felt that it won’t last since there are a lot of artists more talented than I am. They’ve been doing this for a long time and for some this is their real work. My pessimism never allowed me to celebrate something even small victories like this. It’s not a healthy mindset.
In the end I told myself, “I will just paint for myself.”
I still repeat that mantra today at least once a week. Practice, paint, post only when you feel like it. When I get anxious about the future I remember J.K.Rowling,
“What’s coming will come and we’ll just have to meet it when it does.”